Idiosyncrasies of English

For those who love the philosophy of ambiguity, as well as the idiosyncrasies of english:

  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  • If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
  • I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “where’s the self- help section?” she said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
  • What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  • If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  • If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
  • Is there another word for synonym?
  • Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?
  • What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
  • If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  • Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
  • If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
  • Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  • If the police arrest a mute, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  • Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?
  • How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
  • What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  • One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
  • Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
  • How is it possible to have a civil war?
  • If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
  • If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
  • If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  • Whose cruel idea was it for the word ‘lisp’ to have ‘s’ in it?
  • Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
  • If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
  • Can an atheist get insurance against acts of god?

The above were sent by a friend. They’ve doubtless been around the net a few times but still fun.

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